I realize there are three parts to my conscious being; heart, head and “me”. Head and heart are mostly adversaries and “me” the referee at times. When my heart and head sing the same tune, it’s blissful. Does this ever happen? Oh yeah! Say I have a budget to shop and I mange to play within the budget AND get what I love! Know what I mean? (Yes, yes, typical girly stuff!)
There are times when my heart is like a troublesome kid, kicking and crying (wailing is more like it) for a toy that just isn’t available or affordable. No amount of reasoning or logic is going to help. How about a tight slap? My head takes charge of the situation and does just that. “Me” in me (sorry if that’s a bit convoluted) feels sorry for the heart, but lets the stronger being (of self) prevail for the sake of orderliness.
There are other instances when my head behaves like a strict matron with complete disregard to small, affordable pleas of my heart. Heart makes a sincere attempt to convince my head that it’s ok to be dressed at my best, on a day when a meeting is scheduled with a “cute” customer. If at situations like these, my head gets unduly strong-headed, my cool heart tells my head to take a hike. Life’s got to be fun at times, “me” says!
Most difficult are times when my head and heart are on long, irresolvable war. Both have their arguments and counter-arguments and just not willing to give in. “Me” confused and struggling between a practical head and an emotional heart. Sometimes, this state of my being goes on for days. “Me” is in no superior state to pass a verdict or unable to detach itself and watch the fun from a distance(like in the above instances). Heart and head are fair in their own ways and a resolve is hard to reach. When it gets out of control and ends me in a headache (or heartache), “me” takes charge and shuts one of its two co-beings and puts an end to the conflict to restore peace within.
Am I turning into a schizophrenic?
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12 comments:
Head and heart are two sides of the same coin."Me" is the one flipping it.
Uh-huh...I think I wrote this one...that is the level of identification that I got :) So let me know the diagnosis...'coz it applies to me as well !
Hey don't u carry Freudian baggage! These feelings r as normal as they can be :)
Hi,
Watch the moview Identity.
Then all your worries about being a schizophrenic will fade into nothing!
Pehele Kuch Naheen Thaa!
Sath bhi naheen, Asath bhi naheen!!
So...
Have fun.
PS. What Turkish did you learn?
SriG
Awesome.
An amazing level of self-awareness.
Perhaps I can help facilitate the resolution of the situations where the “head” & the “heart” just don’t agree. Coz that’s where there is some “blind” spot at work. Also these situations are thrown at us simply to help us let go of “past” based thinking and generate new answers and a whole new level of balance.
What it would take is opening up from your side to a very very neutral listener and the commitment to attain that new level of balance.
Go for it. I am with you.
Kiran
:) Fortunately, this doesnt appear to be a case of Schizophrenia. You are not even suffering from a split personality.
Appears more like you are just immensely "aware" of YOUR yearnings (what you call your 'heart') & YOUR good sense or common sense (what you call Head) which is there to reason out in moments like these and the conflicts between the two. The good news is, you are not alone. We all go thru this all the time. Its just that you have chosen to write it down.
For the moment, have a beer & chill out >:D<
I agree wth Rahul it is for us to flip! should listen to the heart though!
In this case, it is best to toss Jai's coin from Sholay.
of course you are schizophrenic!! listen carefully......am sure you will be able to hear what the rest of your body parts are saying too :)
Kay sera sera!
Very well written with examples (the "cute" customer bit distracted me but I recovered).
Keep observing and reflecting. And do write more often.
How come long break? - SriG
At times like this, more than anything, the heart, the head and the me are subconsciously crying out for a good glass of wine. Reading anything more into this can only cause trauma. Or premature balding.
Vnode.
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