I am a woman with a poor sense of humour...

I am privileged to be part of a few male-dominated WhatsApp groups.  Not just any group, mind you! These are groups of serious knowledge bank and money machines (me? Theory of exception should explain!).  In the middle of all the money and knowledge discussion, arrives a meme, which shows woman in poor light.  Nagging wife, girlfriend who is a drain on a man’s money, bad driver, vain and so on and so forth.

Now we all know that both men and women have their faults? Could you tell me how many memes or messages that you see in the social media that show a man in poor light? I would say 1:50 (was going to say 1:100). Now me being-the-bull-in-a-China-shop me, won’t let it slip in the barrage of “meaningful” messages, and raise an objection. And when I do that, I am told that I lack sense of humour, that I have forgotten how to laugh and too uptight.

If you are in my circle and/or reading this, I don’t need to remind you history and reality.  Women had to fight for education, employment, voting rights, opinion and oh, even for an honourable existence. The reality remains that a girl child is fighting inequality even before she is born.  If she is ever born, has to deal with molestation, eve-teasing, objectifying, inequality at work place both in terms of pay and growth opportunity.  “Just married yaar, can’t hire / promote – may soon be in her family way” – sounds familiar? Inclusive much? We also have to deal with what nature and centuries of conditioning have bestowed on us- mother, nurturer, natural caregivers (no less!) and in newer terminology – homemaker.

Whether the laundry gets done daily or thrice a week to Can peanut butter sandwich pass of as a healthy snack for your toddler to Whether to cut wages of an irregular house help or indulge, for you need her to Explaining to the husband (for the 100^th time) a hand towel, dishtowel and a swab have different purposes in the kitchen - she does more than her fair share. At home, she is both the traffic cop and a school bus driver – at the same time.

Most men (be it father, brother or husband) think a woman has a lot on her plate (not more than him though, mind you!) and it’s best she remains happy where she is and with what she is good at.  Women break the first glass ceiling at home and get out and pursue what they want to.  Most women take this up as an additional challenge and responsibility and don’t shirk their “homely” duties.

Now that I, as a woman managed to get into a man’s (working) world and crept into “professional” groups, I should learn to guffaw at discriminating jokes – even if the joke is on me? Is that what you are saying, my male friend? Now you want to induct me into your “locker-room”? If I insist I will retain my feminism along with the equality I earned, I am told that after all the opportunities that I have been “given” I still am defensive; that feminism is a fad and over-rated and ugly.

When I object to jokes that border on sexism and gender stereotype, I get questioned.  I am sharing some of the oft-asked questions and my answers:

1. Where is your sense of humour? I am saving it for a joke. I am not about to giggle if you objectify my clan and calling it a joke doesn’t make sexism more acceptable
2. Did I create that meme? I say, then why perpetuate it?
3. Why are you so defensive? Are you a victim of sexism? I say, yes and no. I am married to a man who respects and loves me in equal measure but the society has gender issues that affect me and we (you and I) need to fight it
4. I am a decent man. I respect women. How could you call me a sexist? I know you are a decent man; otherwise I wont have a conversation with you. However your sense of superiority and the need to throw your masculinity at me amount to sexism. If you don’t fight sexism and objectification, then too you’re a sexist, even if a passive one. I am sorry, my friend, that’s just how it is!
5. Aren’t there jokes on Sardars?  I ask, did I say racism is better than sexism? 

We need feminism. Women have to fight tough battles – may not be the women in your lives but there are millions out there who are fighting for a mere peaceful and dignified existence (equality comes much later). Feminism is the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of equality of sexes (dictionary meaning) and we are far from equal. Don’t look at the privileged class – then my feminism may look misplaced. Look at society at large.

My dear man friends, don’t make this struggle, this battle more difficult than it already is! Most of all, please don’t laugh at it…

Thank you, gentlemen!

Shakti is mythological representation of woman. Shakti also means strength. Women have always been strong, resilient, nurturers, influencers, change agents so on and so forth.  My mother (she would be 84 if she was alive) who was financially completely dependent on my father (and before him, her father) was a strong woman.  She knew her roles and responsibilities well but she also ensured the rest of us took ours seriously.  She was fun but she couldn’t be fooled around with.  She was epitome of kindness but also a force to reckon with. My father, who appeared patriarchal went to her for opinion and advise regularly.  If you looked at them, you would never have guessed that. My point is, women have always been the significant half in their homes and in a way in this world too.

What we (women) want today though is to make this significance more obvious, to gain more freedom, voice and in some cases to be wearing pants.  The way we dress, talk, carry ourselves and assert our rights (rightly so) have changed and changed significantly.  Feminism is the new buzzword.  This metamorphosis is exhilarating and beautiful for us – we look at ourselves in the mirror swelling with pride, the glorious butterflies that we turned into.

For a man though, this is too much too soon.  Alpha women are all too ambitious bordering on aggression; they have their money, jobs, travel and social life (that doesn’t always include her man).  If I were a man, I will suck at coping with this change and its pace.  I see my man and many men around me not just coping with it, but encouraging and facilitating this change.  And you need that man, to love you, cheer you and celebrate your success. As someone beautifully put it, “Feminism is not biological; it is an ideology”. If it took a Katherine to fight gender and race issues, it also needed a Harrison to give her a hand (watch Hidden Figures).

While we haven’t conquered larger issues - sexual harassment, archaic patriarchal norms, female foeticide and such, today let’s focus on men who value and respect women. Today let’s celebrate womanhood and men who make this journey of evolution beautiful.

Here’s to you guys who adopt our madness with gusto!