women like attention; serve men some solitude, maybe?

A friend of many years sent me a meme last week, which read, “to make a woman happy give her these three things, attention, affection and appreciation” and asked me what I thought of it.  I didn’t respond to him immediately as I didn’t have the emotional space to think about it, then.

Now I am wondering aloud – isn’t this something everyone likes?  Attention, affection and appreciation – don’t men feel nice receiving these? I have never been a man, so I don’t know how exactly a guy feels when he receives a compliment on his tie or on being congratulated on a task well done or on being asked out for coffee (I imagine most guys would do a headstand! No, I am not being arrogant, here).

The problem, like in most gender issues, is one of stereotyping.  “Women like flowers”, yes we do.  Have you tried giving a bunch of flowers to a man? Have you even asked a man if he likes receiving flowers? I have a guy friend who will forgive me all my faults if I bought him dark chocolates. Go figure!  I have known men to like flowers, gifts, compliments and attention – attention with a capital A and capital everything that follows. And I see nothing wrong with that. 

The one difference from my own behavioural pattern and my observation of others is, (most) women need validation (and attention and all that faff) from their significant ones. This is not a need that dies down with time or familiarity. In fact, the more we get it, the more we want it; whereas with men, (and like most things with men) beyond a point, these validations have very little effect on them (or so it’s shown).  Read validation from the “same” person; also please note bosses are exceptions -even if they have had the “same” one for 15 years.

On a more serious note, generations of conditioning may have turned women into insecure beings – gender hierarchies, stereotyping, inequalities that still exist – have a deep-rooted effect on women’s psyche. Their need for recognition and expression is more pronounced, though the innate need is as prevalent in men.  Add to it the burden to appear macho - conditioning that men have received over generations, you get a very confused and complex creature called a man.

So my dear friend, women love all the three “A”s, we also like conversations, occasional solitude and men who are articulate.

p.s: Today is International Men’s Day – to raise awareness about men’s mental health. Here’s to you, gentlemen!
It’s time you guys find the male equivalent of feminism if that means tapping the feminine side of you. It would truly be an equal world!