Amidst the gloom and grave uncertainty, I am moving over to the other side of 50. It's (I can hear you mutter "not necessarily") mandatory that I do some introspection? What does 50 look like?
Before I started writing this, I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and carefully examined myself (note to self: that mirror needs cleaning). More wrinkles? More greys? I counted and there’s no significant increase from the last count. So, what’s the big deal? If I skip all the zoom birthday parties lined up, I could just convince myself I am still in my 40s. I am not an ageist though. In fact, I have been looking forward to hitting this milestone; why, I wouldn’t know. And here it is!
Cut to the chase, fifty feels like ripe middle age. On this milestone birthday, I know fair share of my life has already been lived (how morbid)!
Given that the journey ahead is shorter, I realise my choices will have to be wiser. And choices there will have to be. First off, no spreading thin - that’s not going to happen. Next is, more curiosity and less opinion in order to understand people, culture, history, politics and life, in general. Talks over chat, assertion over aggression, (even more) hope over despair, no struggling (with those I am not enoughs) and no obsessing (trying to get to being good enough) AND reinventing myself periodically are going to be firm choices. I realise while we are all unique, we are also alike in many ways. With that understanding, I will continue to share my stories here.
Somethings won’t change – they make me - so those will stay. The world continues to favour those "playing cool" over leaping towards connection; however, I would continue to unhinge my rib cage and open myself for some people, even if it leaves me with a broken heart. Some old-world charms will be my constant companions – long walks, holding hands, marvelling at nature - the sun, moon and the changing colours of seasons, falling in love with music and any work of art that tugs at my heart, Tamil proverbs, train journey, solitude, quiet of the morning, sentimentality, conversations and chivalry.
I think I will continue to be annoyed by Bombay rains and incessant honking.
Corona has taught us the importance of being in the moment, patient, dealing with uncertainty and to just BE! I hope I retain these learnings and I can’t stop being amazed at how adaptable we are, as a race! In these times, gratitude has helped me stay sane; well, most of the times.
Like most things in life, what I intended to write and what this post turned out to be, are very different. Be that as it may. I will now go and practice being 50! With the bar suddenly well stocked (credits will roll, soon), bring on the birthday!
Arriba! Abajo! Al centro! Al dentro!
(Until the next travel, memories of Spain will keep us wandering souls alive…)
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