I am too sexy for my body...

At long last, 2020 is behind us. For large part of the year, doubling, tripling and quadrupling as house help, cook, full-time mother / spouse, while desperately trying to hold on to a day job AND sanity (last one was tricky) – one faced severe shortage of time. Days felt shorter, yet the year felt like a whole decade. 

In this stressful period, in my overworked state with constant fear of the pandemic, I realized how much I take my body for granted.  In a profound moment, I even compared myself to the evil step-mother of Cinderella; Cinderella here being, my hardworking body. At the end of most (gruelling) days, I would look at the person in the mirror critically and say, you are becoming rounder and rounder. Yeah, I have always thought I was too sexy for my body.  In my head, I am my own Halle Barry, but what I saw on the mirror told another story; never mind you!

How badly I treat my body!? I feed all kinds of crap in the name of stress (eating); loving it too little, expecting too much and almost always criticising and shaming, forever wishing it / I were 5 kilos lighter and / or 5 centimetres taller. My hair's too frizzy, nails' too brittle, smile too gummy and eyes super crinkly – finding faults and only faults. 

Yet, in this most difficult year, as in all the years preceding that, my body has been utmost forgiving. It took on more work than it has ever been used to, never demanding a pay hike. It never whined for nice clothes or fancy shoes. It didn’t crash or collapse or drop dead. Even though, I almost always attend zoom meetings with my video off because my face looks too tired, I never bother to cajole my body and give it the extra rest it so desperately needs. 

Whatever I put it through, my body ploughs on. And here I thought, I was too sexy and my body had a lot of catching up to do. Ironical much!? 

With all my love and gratitude to my one true love aka hot bod...

p.s: all you boys and girls, go rock your body! 

This Thanksgiving, Let's Heal.

What better time to talk about gratitude than today? On #Thanksgiving2020, I could sit upright, put my fingertips to the keyboard and type away words that my mind conjured up in its lucid state, is an awful lot to be thankful for. I am not insensitive to the sufferings of the world, especially this year; but I just want to take a moment to feel the sense of contentment for everything that’s going right for me.  Even those that I am struggling with, I am grateful to be dealing with them without falling apart. 

What is my life made of? People and everything that comes with people. People are the epicenter of my joy, as well as heartaches. People are my life lessons and wise gurus. If it could be thus simplified, it must be easy to live a joyous life, no? How so? Forgive those who are responsible for all the heartaches and regrets?! Starting with self - for that one wrong decision, harsh words uttered, misjudgments, all the anger inside me, regrets, and all the fights that I fought & lost – for all this and more - to forgive myself. And then, to forgive others, for all the transgressions and hurt.

A friend once told me that he forgives easily but seldom forgets. Now, memory is a funny business. We have very little control over what our mind decides to store away for decades and what it chooses to forget the next minute.  It may bring back an unpleasant memory from decades ago, and wreck our peace in the now. What is easier to control though, is what our mind is chewing on at the present moment. Is it an old wound? Then let's just shush that mind of ours instead fuelling the chatter. Let the same arrow not pierce us twice. Not to dwell on the past hurts, is the only way to forgive fully - ourselves and others. And when we hurt no more and are free of regrets, it is a lot easier to count our blessings. And count our blessings, we all must.

This thanksgiving, may our lives be filled with healing, mindfulness, compassion, gratitude and truck loads of adventure. May the spirit of the season linger all year long!

Joy to the world!!

dinner date during sunnier days...

Lutyens’ Delhi is beautiful – obnoxious but beautiful.  Going from Mumbai, a city that looks like matchboxes stacked in a hurry, this part of Delhi mocks at you, humiliates you and makes you stop, look and take it in – all at once.  When an official commitment required me to spend a few days in Delhi, I decided I would go back to my old haunt and stay amidst this grandeur. 

Sometimes all it takes is one right decision, for everything to fall in place and make life look like straight out of a Karan Johar movie.  Around the same time that I was to be in Delhi, a dear friend from Chennai was visiting Delhi too.  We figured out we could squeeze in a dinner together, when we exchanged notes on our travel schedule. When he said he was going to a book a table at an award-winning restaurant that’s close to the property that I was to stay in, I didn’t think much of it – for various reasons.  I shy away from fine dining for I just don’t have the finesse or class that it takes. Secondly, I am a café kind of a woman. In ten minutes of being seated, I kick my shoes off and sit cross-legged on the couch.  Thirdly, to spend time with a friend is more important and “where” doesn’t count – gyan bhaji, I know, right!? Lastly, who knew if we would even keep the appointment; when you are traveling on work, things get planted in your schedule last minute and could throw your plans out of the window. So I kept my excitement (if any) under check. 

Cut to the appointed date (!), it seemed like it was going to happen, after all. I was a bit stressed about what to wear (duh!) and what and how to eat – I am worse than Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, when it comes to table manners. I was petrified things would fly off my plate and I would make a spectacle of myself.  I gathered myself, dabbed a bit of lipstick and a lot of confidence and stepped out of my room, ready to order an uber. The gentleman that my friend is, picks me up from the lobby and we rode in his rented car.  Suddenly I realised, how old I have grown for I haven’t been asked out on a formal dinner in a hundred years!

“Indian Accent” does total justice to all the hype, accolades and awards that it’s been receiving.  It is one of Asia’s 50 best restaurants and India’s best-kept secrets. Chef Mehrotra, dishes out love and magic in each of the six courses, that you forget your surroundings and graces and slurp away! I am not much of a foodie or even an amateur critique, sometimes I can’t tell one flavour from the other, can’t remember names of cheeses and gawk at people when they discuss exotic ingredients that go into making of a dish.  But that evening, my palate senses came alive and danced with joy during dinner and after!  Indian Accent is a must do, put it on your bucket list and go find the person who will perfectly compliment the class AND would offer to take you there. 

The little girl in me felt like she was on a trip to wonderland and much loved and pampered. May all of us be blessed with a mate like mine!

p.s: this was two years ago today, wrote it almost immediately, but didn't post it then.  Google memory nudged me to, today! :) 

also, lockdown means even more cherishing of such memories

if you think you are the good guy, act like one!

Last weekend, a friend sent me a link to a podcast and the host was Joe Rogan. Since then, YouTube has been suggesting me Joe Rogan’s other interviews. One of the suggestions that piqued my interest was Joe Rogan interviewing Jordan Peterson. I have been intrigued by this Peterson guy for some years now. Please note this post is not really about Peterson, but stay with me for some dope on him.

Jordon Peterson seems to feel strongly against people who are fighting to uphold social justice. He groups them into a category called “postmodern neo marxism” - make what you would, of it. He openly and vehemently opposed gender-neutral pronouns becoming a law (Bill C-16) under the pretext that it takes away his linguistic freedom. Who is to say his freedom is more important than the freedom of transgenders in how they want to be addressed!?

Peterson says gender inequality is a non-issue; his argument is men and women are made differently. Women are more agreeable, so are naturally attracted to nurturing jobs while men are curious (or something to that effect) so they are more STEM oriented. Even in Nordic countries where they seem to have won over gender issues, 80% of nursing jobs are held by women while 80% of engineering jobs are held by men (his stats, not mine). According to this college professor, if women are in low paying jobs, it’s not so much the nurture (read anomaly) as it’s the nature. Wah, Professor!

He has similar pearls of wisdom on pay gaps, how the oppressed gain moral high ground, while life is difficult for everyone (I see how difficult it must be - that job of oppressing!). This man is articulate, convincing, sounds scientific, has been a teacher, turns to Bible to support his arguments and wears the hat of a preacher too. One of the rules from his book “12 Rules for life” is “Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world”. What if the world is, in a way responsible for the chaos or loss of order in someone’s house? I don’t think he wants to entertain that perspective.

Anyway, let's get back to Joe Rogan’s podcast that features Jordan Peterson. Both these men kept going back to a Channel 4 interview, from a couple of years ago, where Cathy Newman was the interviewer. I recollect, that interview was almost Peterson’s claim to fame. I had seen it when it went viral and heard Jordan Peterson for the first time, probably. Cathy was trying to engage him on pay gaps and gender inequality when it came to top jobs; our man just rubbished them without losing his cool and smiling all through. Cathy was losing it, quite obviously.

I am coming to the point of this post, finally. There are people who don’t view social justice like some of us do. In an argument both parties quickly put the other in neatly labeled boxes – “capitalist”, “socialist” “arm-chair activist”, “protestors” and so on. These protests, the voices - that remind us of our privileges probably trigger something unpleasant for some. The voice that stands up for the vulnerable, the George Floyds, seem to assume a moral high ground with people who would rather not have that unpleasantness awakened. Some moral high grounders also seem to adopt a tone of holier than thou, provoking the peacefully privileged.

This is what Cathy Newman did. She had notions about Peterson even before she walked into that interview. She didn’t agree with his take on some of the social issues that she felt strongly about. She knew his views, she didn’t probe into his reasoning just because she didn’t agree with them and she was visibly angry; though he was being assholish (in his views) he was measured and his language, very polished. This may have triggered her further and the trolls had a field day pulling Cathy down.

Often, I wonder or even angered at how blind some people are, to such obvious inequality and social injustice. When I vehemently argue, my (unintended) message could be, “I am sensitive and you are selfish”. However, what is obvious to me need not be viewed in the same proportion or even in the same direction by others. This is reality!

No matter how passionate one is about a cause, if we don’t take away anger from the equation, there is a fair chance you will be a called an activist or socialist and you may even be made to feel responsible (even if only slightly) for what happened in Venezuela or Timbaktu. This is even more frustrating, because all that you felt was empathy for a section of people.

If you have to talk about social issues, keep cool. If you don’t, it’s pretty much a soliloquy.

This is more a note to self!

p.s: after i wrote this piece, I heard Dr. Peterson is critically ill and undergoing some experimental treatment in Moscow. I wish him a speedy recovery...

Walk the Talk

Some people are capable of giving you evocative narratives. If that narrative is one of hope, in times of despair and dismay, it better be backed by genuine intention and action plan. Otherwise the narrative is nothing more than a fairy tale. Let me tell you, even a romantic and self proclaimed bibliophile (me for one) is not in any mood for fairy tales, right now.

In his speech last week, our PM promised to allocate 10% of our GDP to address the economic disaster caused by lockdown (8 weeks and counting!) and what followed, has been nothing short of mockery of the intelligence of an average Indian.

It was not our choice to stop going to work; it was not for us to choose (nor enjoy such entitlements) health over livelihood. Least of all, it’s not our fault that our healthcare has been down in the dumps forever and though Covid has been a reality for at least 2 months before the lockdown, we were least prepared to face it, were it to hit us.

And then one day, we were told to stay home. The elderly who live by themselves, those who didn’t have the luxury of working from home, students - who are left wondering if their academic year is over or not, hundreds of thousands of daily wagers - our ironwala, paper wala, dubbawala, auto rickshaw bhaiyya, road construction workers, hawkers who sell phone covers, batata vadas and ballpoint pens, cobblers and courier fellows and the rest - had to stay home.

Even the homeless had to stay home. Having lost their livelihood, more and more became homeless and these people who are otherwise part of our daily lives were left to fend for themselves. From where and how? They worked everyday, lived with dignity and what’s more - chose a leader. And even that leader, I am not sure has the luxury of discretion in choosing to save his people from a virus, but rip them of their dignity.

Those leaders who made a choice on our behalf, to lockdown an entire country and it’s economic activities are now worried about what the rating agencies would do, if we were to print and transfer money to the poorest of the poor, who had built life even without a voice or agency!? Is that the worry or is it the misplaced intention that we seize this opportunity and make India great, to borrow a line from the Big Brother?

People are not so much worried about the pandemic as they are about their livelihoods and the grave uncertainty around it. It’s ok if the government and our leaders are too confused to think - for now, it’s enough if they can “feel” for their fellow human beings. How about we:

• Put an end to the lockdown even if in a phased manner
• First put money (500 Rupees is an insult!) in people’s pockets through direct transfers; take them home if they are stranded and then talk their confidence up. Don’t mess up that order. 
• Don’t take us to your state-of-the-art operation theatre and apply bandaid on our haemorrhage - that’s not very becoming. 
• Instead of promoting Modi Sarkar, use media to promote and educate people of all strata how to maintain social distancing and hygiene to avoid contracting the virus. Work with local social organisations and create Covid champions in bastis. Educate on steps if they show symptoms. Make testing easily accessible and build temporary isolation centres every 5 kilometres 
• Stop peddling stories and start building  strategies backed by action plan and sell it to those who matter - industrialists, international investors, credit rating agencies, RBI and us, the citizens. We would like to know what you are thinking or if you are thinking at all. 
• Build credibility - within and with outside world. Making “PM Cares” more transparent could be a good starting point? 
• Lastly but importantly, please advise our honourable FM to stop giving us a roundup of what “Modi Sarkar” has done for us since the lockdown, every 10 minutes during her presentation. If “Modiji” has done something of relevance, it’s likely I would remember. For instance, I remember I am under lockdown. 

It appears that we could be living with this pandemic for years to come. So, let’s stop winging it?!

Kamala
(A dismayed citizen who voted for Modi sarkar in 2014)

The Big 5 - Oh! happened already?

Amidst the gloom and grave uncertainty, I am moving over to the other side of 50. It's (I can hear you mutter "not necessarily") mandatory that I do some introspection? What does 50 look like? 

Before I started writing this, I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and carefully examined myself (note to self: that mirror needs cleaning). More wrinkles? More greys? I counted and there’s no significant increase from the last count. So, what’s the big deal? If I skip all the zoom birthday parties lined up, I could just convince myself I am still in my 40s. I am not an ageist though. In fact, I have been looking forward to hitting this milestone; why, I wouldn’t know. And here it is!

Cut to the chase, fifty feels like ripe middle age. On this milestone birthday, I know fair share of my life has already been lived (how morbid)!

Given that the journey ahead is shorter, I realise my choices will have to be wiser. And choices there will have to be. First off, no spreading thin - that’s not going to happen. Next is, more curiosity and less opinion in order to understand people, culture, history, politics and life, in general. Talks over chat, assertion over aggression, (even more) hope over despair, no struggling (with those I am not enoughs) and no obsessing (trying to get to being good enough) AND reinventing myself periodically are going to be firm choices. I realise while we are all unique, we are also alike in many ways. With that understanding, I will continue to share my stories here.

Somethings won’t change – they make me - so those will stay. The world continues to favour those "playing cool" over leaping towards connection; however, I would continue to unhinge my rib cage and open myself for some people, even if it leaves me with a broken heart. Some old-world charms will be my constant companions – long walks, holding hands, marvelling at nature - the sun, moon and the changing colours of seasons, falling in love with music and any work of art that tugs at my heart, Tamil proverbs, train journey, solitude, quiet of the morning, sentimentality, conversations and chivalry. 

I think I will continue to be annoyed by Bombay rains and incessant honking.

Corona has taught us the importance of being in the moment, patient, dealing with uncertainty and to just BE! I hope I retain these learnings and I can’t stop being amazed at how adaptable we are, as a race! In these times, gratitude has helped me stay sane; well, most of the times.

Like most things in life, what I intended to write and what this post turned out to be, are very different. Be that as it may.  I will now go and practice being 50! With the bar suddenly well stocked (credits will roll, soon), bring on the birthday!

Arriba! Abajo! Al centro! Al dentro!

(Until the next travel, memories of Spain will keep us wandering souls alive…)

I miss you too, Mumbai! But this is caution in the times of Corona...

“Spirit of Mumbai” is legendary. Whether your house went under water, or you saw a train compartment being blown up, or terrorists held hostages 5 buildings from your work place - we took pride in getting up the next morning, dressing up, jostling on and showing up at work or school or wherever one needed to be!
We just do it, time after time, during natural calamity, grief, loss - we throw ourselves at routine or work. Sublimation- it’s been our collective defense mechanism. We block out the unpleasantness or fear, so we could go on with life, as if nothing happened.
What happened to the victims / their families? How are the authorities handling it? What emergency measures? We don’t delve much into it, for we don’t want the emotions coming in the way of our routine, our professional or social life- it’s both an escape and comfort.
Whether you are a Mumbaikar or not, it’s time for you to strip yourself off the armour called “mumbai spirit” (or whatever you call it in your cities and towns). It’s not going to help this time, to “get up and show up”! That spirit must feel worn out, don’t summon it this time, please!
It’s ok if you missed a deadline, a shipment didn’t leave or had to skip a brainstorming session. Stay well and alive and help others stay well and alive, and you will have enough people to sell your goods and ideas to, hopefully in the not so far future. Shut yourselves at home, so the hospitals don’t have to be bursting at their seams.
Be scared, be vulnerable and stay indoors. “Paranoid survive” is truer now than ever. Being brave worked in most situations. But COVID doesn’t look like just another situation that we got ourselves into. We all know life goes on. But we would save ourselves from horrid memories, if we all slowdown - just a bit. What’s a fortnight or a month in our nice, long lives!? And nice, long life is all what we want, right!?

Loads of love, strength and namaste from our home to yours